You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
