I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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