She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
