Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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