your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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