Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
