right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
