I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
