Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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