Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
