Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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