I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
