just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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