so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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