I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize