I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
