first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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