I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
