i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
So many bounce houses so little time
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
