For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
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