I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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