Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
