he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
