Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
