It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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