Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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