I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
