Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
