It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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