You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
