i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
