Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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