so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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