This girl is more easily done than said...
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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