I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I could have mohawked her pubes.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
