goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
