Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
