I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
