I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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