My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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