I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
