So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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