I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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