Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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