genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Randomize
