STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
We are all done wearing pants today
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
