it wasn't lemon gatorade
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
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