im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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