...so i touched it.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
