My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
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