Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
