I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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