What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
