so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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