just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Randomize
