I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
