mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
