but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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