So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize