Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I can't turn off my feet"
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Randomize
