That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize