next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Randomize
