I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
