I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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