so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
