All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Vodka?
Forever.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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