Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Girls should come with a carfax report
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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