she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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