if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
