Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
