you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
